Shockingly I’m Not Pregnant

First of all, congratulations to bloggers Emily and Sabrina who both announced this week that they’re each pregnant with their first child.

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But if this leaves you thinking that you’re the only one without a bun in the oven, don’t despair—I’m here to assure you that I’m not pregnant.

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I might go to the bathroom an average of 40 times a day, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

I might cry at awkward movie moments like Wolverine stabbing Phoenix at the end of X3, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

I might need to let out some of my pants after the holiday season, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

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I might pop chocolate chips like they’re Tic Tacs, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

I might wake up with sore hips and legs, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

I might not sleep for longer than 2 hours at any time, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

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I might only have alcohol when I cook with it as in Balsamic Brussel Sprouts with Red Wine, but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

I might constantly be eating for 2(or 3), but shockingly I’m not pregnant.

*No babies were made in the production of this post*

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40 Responses to Shockingly I’m Not Pregnant
  1. Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine
    March 13, 2011 | 8:15 am

    HA. This list makes me laugh. And since I do many of the same things, it also makes me slightly scared for when I actually AM pregnant. I’m going to be insane.

  2. Heather
    March 13, 2011 | 8:20 am

    hero.

  3. VeggieGirl
    March 13, 2011 | 8:22 am

    Good, I’m not either 😛 Haha you’re hilarious.

  4. Chase
    March 13, 2011 | 8:27 am

    hahaha! You’re too funny =D

  5. Anna @ Newlywed, Newly Veg
    March 13, 2011 | 8:29 am

    Lol…yeah, there’s something in the blogger water lately. The only baby I have is the food baby leftover from our vacation indulgences.

    • Wannabe Chef
      March 13, 2011 | 8:52 am

      A little English major would be so cute. You could dress him in a tiny suit and read him Chaucer for a bedtime story!

  6. Angie
    March 13, 2011 | 8:32 am

    fabulous post. you rock!

  7. FoodCents
    March 13, 2011 | 8:51 am

    Aaaahh, I was waiting for this post, after the conversation going on via Twitter. You knocked it up..errr, I mean out 🙂

  8. J3nn (Jenn's Menu and Lifestyle Blog)
    March 13, 2011 | 8:57 am

    Hahahahaaha!!! This made me LOL for real. That’s hilarious. Shockingly, I’m not pregnant, either, yet do almost all the same things. Too funny! It’s like I’ve been practicing being pregnant all my life. When I actually am I’ll probably normalize.

  9. Lisa (Dishes of Mrs. Fish)
    March 13, 2011 | 9:12 am

    This post made me laugh, and it needed a good laugh today. 🙂

  10. Juliette @ Finish Your Broccoli
    March 13, 2011 | 9:30 am

    I. love. this. post.

  11. Morgan @ Life After Bagels
    March 13, 2011 | 9:32 am

    I eat so much now, my boyfriend always wonders how much our grocery bill will be when I’m “eating for two”, he’s probably going to have to get a second job 🙂

  12. Erin
    March 13, 2011 | 9:41 am

    GAH

  13. Melissa @ TryingToHeal
    March 13, 2011 | 10:07 am

    love.love.love.this.

    if you were pregnant though, i wouldn’t be surprised. you show all the symptoms….bahahaha! well, except that you’re missing a key body part…lol

  14. Emily @ One Sweet Vegan
    March 13, 2011 | 10:39 am

    Love this! My husband was complaining about his food baby last night, if that counts.

  15. Katie @ Nourishing Flourishing
    March 13, 2011 | 10:56 am

    PHEW! I was worried there…

  16. melissa @ the delicate place
    March 13, 2011 | 11:07 am

    lol i love this post. i’m not pregnant either and never will be! i’m actually quite happy about this and so is my husband!

  17. Heather @ Side of Sneakers
    March 13, 2011 | 11:23 am

    Hahaa this was hilarious 😉

  18. Sana
    March 13, 2011 | 11:50 am

    I am carrying our food baby. Any ideas for names?

  19. Emily @ Relishments
    March 13, 2011 | 12:42 pm

    As a happily not pregnant woman with a million pregnant friends, this post just made my day. Thank you so so much.

  20. Katy
    March 13, 2011 | 1:13 pm

    I’m not pregnant either, and it’s a good thing — I laughed SO HARD at this that I probably would have gone into early labor.

  21. Kate (What Kate is Cooking)
    March 13, 2011 | 1:38 pm

    Haha! I’m displaying all of these symptoms too… unfortunately it’s only a food baby!

  22. sarah (sarah learns)
    March 13, 2011 | 1:40 pm

    lol, i was just thinking that everyone and their mother is getting pregnant now! so funny. good to hear you’re not one of them. 🙂

  23. Cynthia (It All Changes)
    March 13, 2011 | 1:50 pm

    Evan you are fantastic!
    I’m not pregnant either although I have some “pregnancy” symptoms. Bring on the chocolate chips. 🙂

  24. Averie (LoveVeggiesAndYoga)
    March 13, 2011 | 3:18 pm

    I love this post and if you are ever a dad-to-be, you already have SUCH a huge grasp of what being pregnant is like, your future baby’s mama thanks you 🙂

    Shockingly, i am NOT pregnant either. And have no plans to be. Shockingly I threw up 10 times a day, every single day, for 7 months. They say pregnancy is the “best time of a woman’s life”…no. I beg to differ but Skylar was worth every heave-worthy second 🙂

  25. Christin@purplebirdblog
    March 13, 2011 | 6:19 pm

    I’m not pregnant either, and have no intention to be for a very, very, VERY long time. *Tosses back another birth control pill.*

  26. RhodeyGirl
    March 13, 2011 | 8:14 pm

    Hilarious.

    And thank you!

  27. Corey @ the runner's cookie
    March 13, 2011 | 8:35 pm

    Haha Evan, are you SURE you’re not pregnant??

  28. Hannah
    March 13, 2011 | 8:55 pm

    Yeah, I made a comment on twitter about how I came home from a three-course dinner to eat a peanut butter topped bagel and half a block of chocolate, and someone assumed I was pregnant. Unless I’m giving birth to our next Saviour… not possible!

  29. Cara Craves...
    March 13, 2011 | 10:10 pm

    Ha!
    Very clever 🙂

  30. Ashley
    March 13, 2011 | 10:58 pm

    I certainly hope not, how would you get it out!?
    No pregnancy here either.

  31. Kristina at spabettie
    March 14, 2011 | 12:38 am

    haaa… it’s really funny you say this… I have another blog in my reader called WannaBe Chef, and she announced a while ago that she is pregnant… after your name change, for a while I would mix the two blogs up, and I was thinking WOW, Evan is having a baby! 🙂

  32. Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table
    March 14, 2011 | 10:14 am

    LOL!!! Even though I may have peed myself a little while reading this, I’m not preggers either.

  33. brandi@BranAppetit
    March 14, 2011 | 10:25 am

    this is cracking me up 🙂

  34. Jo @ Jo In the Kitchen
    March 14, 2011 | 11:09 am

    Hahahaha! Don’t worry Evan, I’m not pregnant either.

  35. Baking Serendipity
    March 15, 2011 | 12:38 am

    This cracks me up! Best list ever 🙂

  36. holly
    March 15, 2011 | 1:11 pm

    hahahahahaha. ditto. to all the above – especially the NOT being pregnant thing 🙂

  37. Kathleen @ Kat's Health Corner
    March 16, 2011 | 5:20 pm

    Haha, Evan, this is so funny! 😀 This totally made my day. 🙂

  38. annelies
    March 18, 2011 | 12:25 pm

    The key word here is yet… Pigs could fly perhaps?

    Thanks for bringing the laughs Evan!

  39. Heather @ kissmybroccoli
    March 18, 2011 | 11:31 pm

    Hahaha! Hilarious! Love it!